33 Years of Marriage with God’s Instructions

Greetings Everyone,

On March 10, 1990, I married the love of my life, and this year we celebrated our 33rd wedding anniversary. When people find out how long we have been married, they usually ask, “What is the secret to a long-lasting marriage.” My response used to be, “It is the Lord.” The last time I used that phrase, my statement was met with a puzzling look and a blank stare. I realized the response I provided was extremely vague and lacked substance. In this post, I aim to provide three practices Michael and I have incorporated into our daily lives. These habits have positively impacted our marriage and helped us develop a true sense of partnership.

Point#1: Love God more than you love each other.

The strength and resilience of a couple’s marriage become obvious during challenging times. But more importantly, the depth of each person’s communion with the Lord dictates how those challenges are addressed. A marriage rooted in anything other than the Word of God and an intimate personal relationship with Christ will battle life’s trials without an anchor, wisdom, or spiritual protection. There is no greater love than the love we receive from our Creator.   

Communion with Christ serves as an anchor for daily intimacy. The purpose of an anchor is to provide stability and security. Anchors administer safety by keeping things in place and at rest. Equating this explanation in biblical context, the Lord serves as an anchor encouraging us to place our trust in Him, knowing He is in “the driver’s seat,” and will work all things out for our good. As we begin to trust that He is in control, we will experience peace.

Philippians 4:6-7(AMPC)

6 Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.

7 And God’s peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall [c]garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Having Christ as an anchor serves as a reminder in every situation to remember our life is not our own and we are bondservants of Christ. Activating a Christian foundation in our lives establishes that the Lord is the highest authority in our relationship, and our goal should be to please God, through obedience, and sacrifice. This remembrance causes us to measure our behaviors and interactions with God’s standards. In other words, our approach to handling problems in marriage should be according to God’s desires. It would be easy to approach marriage concerns and issues by how we feel or according to the invisible measuring stick we use to determine rather or not our spouse has earned the right to……. (You fill in the blank). Every relationship has challenges, but applying the Word of God and having a personal relationship with Christ helps us renew our love for each other and practice forgiveness daily.    

Point#2: Work diligently to become one flesh.

When you genuinely embody being “one flesh,” you no longer compare yourself to your spouse. You learn to appreciate how your differences work together for the benefit of the marriage and the purpose God has for you as a couple. I often ask couples preparing for marriage how often they pray for their future spouse compared to the amount of time they spend complaining or confronting their spouse regarding an issue. Continually, the accusatory individual focuses on their need to point out the wrongdoing of their future spouse.

 When your spouse is not meeting your standard, take time to discuss your concern with God before confronting them. Start by asking the Lord for His standards regarding the situation. Our humanity which encompasses being creatures of habit, often causes our preferences to become a source of contention in our union. Our desire to want or insist on having things a certain way (our way) often cripples a spouse’s ability to be authentic to their individual design.

The responsibility that a disgruntled spouse may place on their partner to do things their way may devalue the relationship and eliminate true partnership. A lack of compromise or the belief that one spouse is wrong and the other is right hinders marital growth. As a result, the family and both spouses suffer. The godly contributions the couple is supposed to share and facilitate in the relationship will not be experienced, thus hampering the complete purpose plan intended by God.

Selfishness, competition, and a lack of patience will destroy the process of becoming one. Growing in understanding and humility are prerequisites to accomplishing God’s purpose for your family. A successful marriage requires intentionality and selflessness. Remember, marriage is God’s example of Christ’s love for the church.

Ephesians 5:31(AMPC)

31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

Point#3: Embody authenticity.

In marriage, there is much compromising and constant “giving and taking.” You regularly work to complete tasks and accomplish goals together. The complexities of marriage can make it easy to forget that you are an individual. Amongst many dating couples, there is a fear that marriage means a loss of individuality. This thought is not valid. The more a person knows and understands their “purpose design,” the more confidently they can walk into marriage to fulfill God’s plan for both parties.

Coming together in holy matrimony should magnify your purpose for the greater good. In other words, you should be able to take the best of who you are as an individual and explore ways to advance the Kingdom of God together. Let’s think of this principle differently. What is, or was, your purpose before marriage? Do we only gain a purpose once we marry? Suppose a person never marries; are they always void of having a sense of meaning in their life? Of course not! When my husband and I married, we began to discuss ways that we could, as a couple, make a more significant impact for the Kingdom of God, expressing our individuality. Being true to who we were created to be has caused us to benefit greatly from each other’s strengths. We have also supported one another tremendously when we have had to navigate our weaknesses.

There are seasons in our lives when specific tasks and responsibilities need our undivided attention. But then there are those times when we hear the Lord saying, “you need to get back to what I have predestined for you.” It is easy to brush off that quiet, still, voice when life is busy, you have become complacent, or when you feel that your spouse’s purpose is more important than your own.

 Listening to God’s voice, realizing that part of being authentic to who we are, and choosing to carve out time to accomplish God’s plans for our life, brings an irreplaceable sense of fulfillment. After all, you have been intricately constructed by God. You were created with a specific “story,” written by God specifically for you.    

Ephesians 2:10(AMPC)

10 For we are God’s [own] handiwork (His workmanship), recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us [taking paths which He prepared ahead of time], that we should walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live].